First let me say, Happy New Year to all! May 2023 be peaceful, and prosperous, and playful!
Of course, this is the season for making and then promptly ignoring resolutions. It is a time when we confidently dive into making ourselves ‘better’ in all the ways.
And we fail.
Partly we fail because we often come at these resolutions from a place of ‘lack’ (we are not good enough), and partly because we make giant or numerous goals that are generally unrealistic, and partly because the resolutions are often about outcomes rather than the tools or the values to get you there.
For all of these reasons, the whole process makes us feel miserable rather than empowered, and like a failure instead of enough, and tired and overwhelmed instead of energized and joyful. We really should quit with the resolutions.
The other potential problem with goals (in general) is that they are often narrow and disconnected. We have a goal for losing weight instead of say, ‘wellness’ or ‘living healthier’. Admittedly, it’s hard to measure progress in something that is an integrated way of being as opposed to a single piece of the overall puzzle, but thinking more broadly helps to avoid at least two problems with singular goals. For example: 1) We might be tempted to take on approaches to weight loss that actually make us unhealthier if we’re too tightly focused, and 2) We have no sense of how to enjoy the process and feel great while doing it.
And if we don’t enjoy it, we won’t stick to it.
The same is true (I’m contending) with societal goals too. Deprivation is not the answer to our energy future, nor is a singular focus on ditching fossil fuels or increasing renewables. Those are fine pieces of the puzzle but it’s not (by a long shot), the full picture. It is possible to make ourselves less resilient, or to make social injustice or income inequality worse if we’re too tightly focused on energy goals (for example). Sustainability means integrating all those things and making progress towards a healthier whole.
Plus we need communities and businesses (and honestly governments) to enjoy the process and feel great while working on becoming more sustainable. We want to feel as though we’re thriving even while (and because) we’re solving hard problems.
For someone who is overweight and wants to become healthier, do we shout at them and call them idiots for where they are? Of course not! Not only would that make us colossal jerks, but it does the opposite of what we intend. Shaming does not lead to positive change. It’s constricting and not expanding.
The same is true for collective change. We cannot look for a generation or a government or a corporation to blame and shame and expect that it will suddenly make the world more sustainable, or fair, or just. Holding governments, corporations, and ourselves accountable for better decision-making is necessary, but we don’t have to berate anyone, or feel shame ourselves for how we got here. We have to meet ourselves where we are and decide what to do next.
The main difference between ineffective resolutions/goals, and thriving as we make effective change, is compassion. We simply cannot create a better self, a better community, better businesses, or a better planet without it.
If we want to expand - as a species and as individuals - we have to believe in each other’s potential, our essential goodness, and our humanity. To believe in any of that is to be vulnerable. We will be let down from time to time, and the tricky part is that we have to have as much compassion for each other as we would like others to have for us.
It really is the hardest part of all of this.
We can set goals all day long, but we will not get there until we can support ourselves and in each other in the work. And what seems like the smallest victories and changes in habits and behavior have to be celebrated and enjoyed and elevated. Our way forward will be messy and there will be setbacks, but we are still creeping or sometimes sprinting ahead.
So, as we look ahead in 2023. Let’s resolve only to be gentle with ourselves and each other as we do the work. Let’s celebrate the wins, dance at the progress, and high five at the human-ness of it all.
Our next chapter, and Earth’s next chapter are not written all at once.
We also have to enjoy the tale as it unfolds.