My family, for the second year in a row, has decided that instead of gifts, we will each donate to a cause of our choice in the amount of our choice or ability, and let the others know where we gifted this contribution.
Our donations range from food packages for low income kids, to service dog organizations, and I think mine this year will be split between Habitat for Humanity, and our local Meals on Wheels.
I love this new(ish) approach of my family. We all have plenty of stuff, we’re spread about so that gift giving is difficult anyway, and like most families, we already get ourselves the inexpensive things, so the stuff we really want is usually more expensive than the average gift-giver can manage, unless you plan ahead and pool resources.
But of course, it IS also lovely to give and receive gifts too, even if it’s a moment in the year when you gift yourself something you’ve had your eye on.
And yet, if we look around our houses, it seems as though most of us are not very good at understanding what we really want. Especially in America, and in the West generally, we all seem to be constantly dealing with ‘stuff’. What to do with it, where to put it, how to work it, and then we turn around acquire more of it.
For example, do you value beauty above function or novelty above beauty or….? That question made me look around my house and assess the kinds of things I own that I love. And also assess the things that I use but that I don’t really love. And also assess the things I own but no longer use or love.
In doing this assessment, I have discovered that I am a function-first person, but with a significant preference for beautiful (but only if it’s functional), and I care very little for novelty.
For example, I still do not have an air-fryer, or an insta-pot and I don’t think I would really benefit from either? (Though if you work hard you might convince me otherwise.) But I love (like, really adore) my cast iron, red dutch oven. I use it all the time, and love that it looks rustic and beautiful on the table as well as being super functional in the oven or on the stove, it cleans up easily and is durable. Boom. Perfect thing for me.
I also love our Bose bluetooth speaker. It’s not beautiful exactly, but it takes up so little room compared to bulky speakers, and the sound is great - perfectly adequate functionality for what I want. It’s not novel either, though as a bluetooth option, it’s also not old. It satisfies a portability (no wires) benefit. I have no need for the latest and greatest gadgetry, even if it delivers superior sound quality; I don’t need better sound. It’s not like I’m producing a record - I’m bopping around the kitchen to Pandora while I fling together a stew in my red dutch oven.
Whereas we have a few really beautiful pieces of furniture, but they’re not super functional, and I find myself wanting to find a home for them that would appreciate them more.
Things I use but don’t love exactly: some lawn furniture that is functional and not uncomfortable, but also not the most comfortable, and not exactly elegant in any way! Make-up that does the job, but isn’t really the best - I just don’t want to waste it at this point. Plant pots that do a perfectly fine job holding plants and soil, but are….just not delightful to look at. Rugs and shirts and lamps and tools that are ok, but either don’t work quite as well as I’d like, or just don’t look that good. In the words of Marie Kondo, these definitely don’t ‘spark joy’, but are useful enough to keep around for a bit.
And then things I neither use nor love at this point include old duvet covers, one of my two guitars, some cookware, shoes, and so on. Even though I don’t think I have a lot of stuff, it’s still quite a list really.
This was a useful (and slightly awful) exercise, and especially so at the holidays when occasionally I need to answer a question about suitable gifts. A reading light would be good. A new lens for my camera. And perhaps, I realize, a contribution to new lawn furniture!
I know a few friends who absolutely value beauty more than me, and whose homes are just lovely. I have a few friends who adore the ‘new things’ and are delighted with getting to play with the innovative or feature-rich, or great quality tech.
But for most of my friends and family, I’m not sure where they stand. Perhaps I need to pay more attention.
Where are you? (comments open to all!)
I love using my grandmother’s special china… even for everyday. Yes, I still can’t put it in the dishwasher, but it evokes such cozy memories of cherished times together. I so appreciate your reminder of Marie Kondo, Ann…if it doesn’t spark joy, it needs to go somewhere else! Thank you for sharing this!
Love picturing you enjoying your ‘fancy’ China every day Sara! Definitely a way to enjoy the beautiful!