If you’re familiar with the Enneagram, (a way of describing people according to nine different types), you’ll know more about me when I say I’m a ‘nine’. For those not familiar, a key attribute of the nine-type is that we’re generally pretty agreeable.
It’s a handy trait in lots of circumstances. However, the flip side of all that flexibility, if not paired with awareness, can mean ‘nines’ do a bunch of things that feel….fine….but not necessarily….great. And then we can get all resentful because our life is full of other people’s priorities and not our own. In fact, it can be a characteristic of ‘nines’ that we don’t always even know what our own priorities are.
One thing I’ve noticed about my own nine-ness over the years is that I tend to hold on too long to things - jobs, furniture, friendships, memberships, houseplants - that I should have changed or let go a lot sooner. (Just because the Snake Plant on my shelf is still technically alive, does not mean that it’s thriving, or that I love it).
But you don’t have to be an Enneagram Nine to fall into the trap of continuing to do things or keep things that no longer serve you. We ALL do this. It’s so much easier to stay with the status quo - after all, it has served you just fine for a while - than to invest in change.
Status quo is always easier in the short term; change is always harder in the short-term.
And yet, taking time to re-evaluate key facets of our work or homes or relationships can be critical to our overall wellbeing and long-term satisfaction and happiness. In fact, if we don’t periodically do this, most of us will find ourselves looking back with regret on opportunities wasted.
Writing our own next chapters deliberately often requires a shake up, and letting go of things that are no longer supporting the life we want to live, or the people we want to be.
Sometimes they’re small things or habits: getting rid of that expensive sweater that isn’t really ‘you’ anymore and is just cluttering the closet, or cutting back on social media. And sometimes it’s much more consequential: letting go of an identify you’ve built around being an engineer, or a teacher, or a graphic designer, because it’s no longer what makes you fulfilled, or leaving a hometown behind to move somewhere you’ve always wanted to live, or ditching a relatively carefree young adult life to become a parent.
Almost always, moving towards something better, whether it’s a well-organized closet or a new career, requires first letting go of what was before. And for just about everyone, it’s much easier to put off or ignore the call to what we’d prefer our lives look like, rather than acknowledge the pain of leaving behind something we’ve already invested in, even when it’s no longer the ‘right’ or useful thing.
I have friends who have left a successful business in chilly Maine to move to Hawaii, another friend who left a government job to work at Disney, other friends who downsized in retirement only to discover that isn’t what they wanted at all and just finished building a home on a hill, other friends who started a real estate career in midlife, others who left a corporate job to work summers in a restaurant and are super frugal so that they can spend the other six months a year traveling in a camper.
These are people who didn’t let their previous decisions or investments prevent them from moving to a next chapter that suits them better at this stage of their life (whatever stage that is - the friends in the list above range from people in their 20s to 70s). It takes awareness and courage, and often planning and saving, but these people are actively writing their own next chapters.
What might you be holding on to that doesn’t support your next chapter?
Well, that certainly resonates for a 9 who happens to be married to another 9. I had to do a massive clear-out so that the engineers fitting my new boiler would be able to get to things like pipework and radiators...and so that I wouldn't completely die of shame when they saw the state of my house. I can't believe the stuff I have hung onto, including OHP slides from a presentation that I must have given over 20 years ago. My PRINCE2 folder stays, though. I sweated blood for that. And the copy of Gray's Anatomy that I bought as an OT student...it's just a nice thickness for standing my laptop on for making videos.
I love this... And it’s a challenging thing to think about.